Posted in Home, Life, Medical, Women's Issues

Six Months Later…

…I got the letter today.  I knew it was coming, it’s about 6 months since the colposcopy and biopsy and all that.  But actually receiving the letter with a date and a time, it’s made it more real. Time for another colposcopy/smear to check if what they scraped out last time has worked, gone, come back, grown, got worse… who knows?

So the doomsday thoughts and feelings have been whizzing around my head today.

And a couple of conversations going on on social media are grating on me, too; given that my mood is already on the dark side.

x

 

*Update… After a few weeks, I got an all clear letter, giving me all clear and that I’m back to regular check-ups*

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Posted in camping, Family, Holiday, Home, Life

Coming Around Again…

The sun came out.

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I know.  In the UK. Amazing, right? And suddenly everyone has realised they own barbecues, and lawnmowers, and shorts.

Including us.

So the garage has been sorted and the ‘oudoor toys’ have been rediscovered by the children who forgot they had them.  In some cases they found some we didn’t even remember we had in there since before they were born…

And we got the pup-tents out.  The pop up ones for a laugh to start with, to amaze the children as to how easy and quick they were. (Yes, someone felt they had to make an instructional video….)

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They have memories attached themselves.  The road trip we were on to visit friends for the last time before we emigrated…the first time… and found them in a branch of Halfords and bought them as an impulse purchase; the (one and only) time we actually went camping, to a campsite, on a camping holiday, in them … and ended up on a pitch next to a family with a car emblazoned with a camping and outdoor accessories store logo; and the amazed looks on their faces when we turned up and within minutes were sitting next to our accomodation in camping chairs sipping wine; while they continued to struggle with their 12-person, multi-room mansion (I think they were only staying 1 night…)

And we started sorting out the camping gear in the garage, ready for the next foray into the fun of sleeping outdoors…under a sheet…

Because, so quickly, it seems like only yesterday I posted this blog post about last year’s trip. And here we are again, preparing ourselves for squashing as much as we can into the vehicle to make staying in a cubby hole made from thin fabric and plastic poles, feel like is has all mod cons, already…

And then, this one came out …

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Yes.  It’s just a tent.  It’s a little, 2-man, dome tent.  It says “Outbound Sierra 1” on it. Took me 5 minutes to pitch. But took me back an awfully long way.  It’s funny, how things, items, stuff can seem like just posessions, sometimes, but attach so many funny little memory triggers to them.

My dad bought this tent, for my brother, sister and I.  I’m not sure why…the exact reason behind it; but I remember we pitched it for the first time at one of his Seafaring colleagues houses up in Monmothshire somewhere I think.

I can remember sleeping in the back garden one night, in it.  I can remember lending it to a friend from Youth Theatre when he went to Glastonbury for the first time because he didn’t have a tent.  (The tent’s been to Glasto but I haven’t…).  I can remember taking it to my grandmother’s house in Cornwall with me, and two friends from school coming down by train and we camped in it … 17 years old and our first camping trip. And it was nuts. (and the beauty of living out your teens back then is…that’s all you’re getting…. we managed to live out our tweens and teens and twenties before the internet was invented; so we can hide all that stuff that we didn’t tweet and instagram and facebook about …and just smile about it fondly)

But trying to explain to the 7,6 and 2 year olds that this tent was … blimey… about 25 years old, got barely a reaction from them.

Best of all?  It’s still pretty weatherproof.  I attacked it with a hose from all angles, and pretty much turned the grass surrounding it into a bog, and it’s bone dry inside.

It stank a bit when I got it out … the last time I ‘aired it’ was about 5 years ago (at least).

So I think it’ll be sat outside for a while to freshen up a bit.

Which the children are pleased about – One’s favourite colour is green and the other is orange, so they’ve adopted it.  The third one loves blue so he’s gone for the blue pop up.  And I still have my pink one.

Poor Daddy.   Good job we have the cottage tent to go on holiday with, really!

 

X

Posted in Acting, Creative, Life, writing

Where am I…?

I keep thinking to myself “Oh, I have a little time to myself this evening, I really should sit down and write another post; or that short story I keep menaing to start; or … well… just anything, really.”

And then I get a slightly good idea for a blog post, and then… I read someone else’s blog and I think “Shit, that was good, why can’t I write something like that?”, and I get put off, and start emptying the dishwasher and sorting the laundry out instead…

And then, later, I realise I started this with a view to posting at least every day.

Then I let myself slip to thinking once a week, then once a fortnight….was OK …

But that’s not why I started this blog.  I started this blog to log my life (remember…?) ; and at the time was giving “750 words” a go.  And, I looked at my posting history and it has just dropped off.  So sod it, I’m posting uninteresting drivel again just for the heck of it.  Because I can!

In other news.  Remember THIS post? Just in case anyone was wondering, I didn’t get offered any of the parts.  One (in fact, the one who specifically said they’d be contacting everyone with feedback), I heard nothing from at all; just saw the castings posted with who they’d chosen; and two of the other auditionees I know told me afterwards they had both received a no but also feedback.  Not sure what happened there… (not trying to name and shame, just a little confused…).  The other two productions were very pleasant and gave the usual polite spiel .. you know, the “we’d like to keep hold of your details” type of thing.

And … I don’t feel bad.  I survived.  I’m not bitter.  Years ago I’d be in a black mood for weeks, kicking myself, threatening self-harm and all sorts of “They don’t know what they’re missing…I could do that standing on my head…”

Which, to me, is growth.

I’m getting somewhere!  (Just not on to any of those particular sets very soon…!)

 

X

Auditions

…are the reason, at least, so I’ve been telling myself for years, that I didn’t want ‘the actor’s life’.  I mean, who wants to voluntarily continuously place yourself in the position of someone saying “no”.

So, the alternative?  Go to one interview, they say yes, get a job, stay in it for 50 years. Retire. Sit in a sunny conservatory and stare out the window and dream of the things you might have done …

An audition is nothing but a job interview.  I’ve moved around so much over the past few years (well, all my life, really) I’ve had far more than my fair share of job interviews. promotion interviews, transfer interviews …

Last week I had three auditions.  Three.  And the nerves remained at bay. and I actually ENJOYED them!  I enjoyed the experience; which I had thought, 20 years ago, I would dread. I enjoyed them far more than any job interview I’ve had; regardless of whatever the impending job was.

I enjoyed them for the experience they were and the people I met.  I hold out no hope of being chosen for any of them (in fact, I’ve heard back from one that I was unsuitable, but that my audition was great.  Which was enough for me.) but, it’s a starting point.  I went to all three, held my head high and came out feeling positive; and not a gibbering mess!

Watch this space….